The Tidal Maelstrom
Confronting the overwhelming reality of bad News
Lately, there are days when it seems like it is coming from every direction. I wouldn’t lump in the typical family-related concerns, such as whether the kids will like their new school or if everyone has eaten, in this category. That goes with the territory. If you create a family, however you do it, there will be fears and worries big and small. I am talking about the onslaught of global bad news that comes from every direction. Next comes a sickening feeling that creeps over you because you know that the people who are supposed to be fighting these forces of evil are not up to the task, and they never were. Presumably, if they ever were, we wouldn’t be in this predicament to begin with. That might be a cop out. Imagine how difficult it is to fight the forces of evil on behalf of an indifferent majority?
Facing Reality vs. Toxic Positivity?
There is only so much happy horseshit I can mutter before I hit a wall. Three things I am coming to terms with:
The dismantling of the United States Constitution is underway. They are going after the 14th Amendment and likely others. If you listen to the previews they freely offer, you will hear all you need to know. Previews that include the following gems: slavery was not that bad, women shouldn’t have the right to vote, and women should submit to men. Heading for the chopping block: The Voting Rights Act, the Civil Rights Law, Brown v. the Board of Ed, Gay Marriage, and more. This is the fascist agenda, and they are executing it as expected.
The entire world is under threat. Leaving the United States is buying time – maybe a lot of time, but it's just that, it is beginning to feel like a ticking clock. In my deepest fears, the global descent is inevitable, and what does that mean for my children? My children are my priority.
Balance is critical for my inner peace, and that balance I have been practicing is getting worn down. We all need to practice balance. To be aware, but present. To embrace the Stoic wisdom that speaks so loudly, as no organized religion has in my life.
The next step in managing through the onslaught of bad news is how I relate to and think about the people in my life who voted for all this destruction. Some people hid their support for the fascists, ate my food, drank my wine, enjoyed my generosity, friendship, and love. Their support for a political ideology that actively works to destroy my family, freedom, dignity, right to life, liberty, and happiness is simply unforgivable. I have been processing this one for a long time. If you don’t walk in someone else’s shoes, you really can’t understand their journey. Above all else, it all begins with empathy.
A bit on our experience with racists and Bigots
My family faced hostility and bigotry during our seven years living in Greenwich, Connecticut. My children were subjected to racial slurs and bigotry off and on throughout our time there. When confronted, reactions from other parents and schools included denial, ignoring the issues, and protecting the guilty parties. One mother dismissed our concerns about her son calling my son gay and wondered why we even have to talk about gay parents. Although our public-school experience was better, it still fell short, as the administration struggled under pressure from the MAGA faction dominating our town. You can find your people everywhere, and we did - to some extent. However, after a while, I just checked out.
Processing Time
I am writing this now because I have discovered, of late, that I often don’t know what I think about something until I have written about it. The process helps. It feels like a release, even if the result is bad news. Some liminal spaces are unbearable when they linger too long. I find myself debating (with myself) how to think about the people in my life who support political ideologies that see me and my family as second-class and not worthy of equal rights as citizens.
I have the following thoughts about facing the unforgivable from such people:
I have no right to expect loyalty, or the return of love or consideration from anyone, regardless of how I feel for them. This sort of care is a gift, precious and not everyone can deliver it.
The only people I owe anything to are my immediate family.
It’s okay to reflect on your disappointment in people you care for, so long as you don’t remain there.
I can only conclude that none of this is easy for any of us who find ourselves and our families in the crosshairs of fascism. Stoking fear and violence is a part of their strategy; they want silent compliance. They want docile workers who don’t expect or demand too much, but there is a price people pay for giving in to these demands.
The Stark Reality
They have spent months going after the most vulnerable people in America, and this will continue and grow even larger as ICE expands. They began deploying troops in cities throughout the nation, starting with Los Angeles and then moving on to DC, and it seems Chicago and New York may be next on the list. They will go after brown people, the homeless, mentally ill people, the disabled, developmentally disabled, autistic, and other human beings who need care to live. Make no mistake – this is going to get much worse, and at present, they have no opposition. A nationwide worker strike could have a positive impact. But that is likely another unrealistic dream. Too many Americans are indifferent. Trump has the major unions in his pocket, and the opposition has no leader.
Maintaining Your Sanity and What You Can Do
So, how do you stay sane during these times?
Remain present – do this with vigilance.
Focus on gratitude.
Look for kindness every day.
Utilize every opportunity to practice kindness.
Check in on your loved ones.
If you are a target of fascists and you can leave – do it.
If you are a straight, white person, couple, with or without children, do the right thing and stand up and fight to restore our constitution.
I encourage all decent Americans who are not in the crosshairs of the fascists to get involved and make their voices heard. It is your voice that is arguably the most important. Phone calls to elected leaders, letters, community action, and finding activist organizations that need your help. Supporting the ACLU, NAACP, HRC, and other organizations would help.
This is a moment in history where our children and grandchildren will ask us, “What did we do when that was happening?” Each of us can write our biography in advance. Be on the right side of history, however big or small, we all have a role to play. Do as much as you can, for as long as you can, and humanity will get through this and grow more united.